Adventures in Dallas driving.....

A few comments on driving in Dallas.

Friends, I learned a few things while at a convention in Texas,
but here are a couple choice comments on
DRIVING in DALLAS, perhaps the scariest action I have ever seen.

Getting close to Dallas on Thursday afternoon, I turned on
the 2 meter ham radio and found a local repeater that was
active. Introducing myself, A friendly local ham gave us
directions around the worst of the traffic and up to the
hotel.

It's not his fault the highway number he gave us was wrong,
as was the exit.

Really, it wasn't.

We ended up going into Dallas on 35 and joining up with 75
'someplace'. 75 is....ah....... fun. Yeh, that’s it. Fun.

I learned a few things about driving in Dallas. Learned
them real quick. I fear nothing anymore for I have driven
through Dallas during rush hour and survived.

First, there is no speed limit other than 'fast'. There are
three or four lanes most places, even in the alleys. The
right lane is somewhat slower, maybe 70mph. The left lane
goes FAST. I have no idea how fast, my truck only gets up
to about 90. I wasn't qualified to enter the left lane. I
was qualified to duck and suck my teeth back in as cars
blasted past in a blur. I was going 75, THEY were still a
blur.

Next, there are no lane markings in Dallas. They don't
bother with putting lines on the road because nobody cares.
They have little metal bumpy things that merely serve to
give some auditory warning as you drift through the lanes.
It seems that Texas-ites just AIM their cars, not steer
them. Lanes? What lanes? It's just different width roads.

And then there is the funny way them Dallas'ers use turn
signals. Look, I'm from Lancaster County in Pennsylvania.
Up here abouts when we put on a turn signal it means
"Pardon me, but I'm thinking of coming over there. Please
be careful, excuse me for butting in, thank you for the
room". In Dallas, if you put on your turn signal BEFORE you
go it means "You better rush up here and block me or I
might use up twelve feet of your road". I know that because I
learned it 30 seconds or two miles into Dallas, (whichever
came first). They DO use turn signals in Dallas, but it's
for something we would never dream of in Lancaster. In
Dallas you put your turn signal on AFTER you change lanes.
It means "Nya Nya, I got your spot!" You just blink it once
or twice and the guy behind you gets the message.

Now, let’s talk about access roads. What is it with those
people down there? The damn access road next to the
highway, you know the ones you actually use to go in
places? They go 65 on the access roads until they find
where they want to pull in, then they slam on the brakes
and skid into the parking lot. It's almost kinda fun,
sorta. A lot like roller derby with cars. That's how you
get off the highway and stop someplace.

Now, getting on the highway, THAT'S WILD!
The best I could figure is, you line up on the
on ramp (at 65), aim your vehicle towards the highway, turn
up the radio, close your eyes, and put your foot on the
floor. YEHAAAA!!!! (It IS Texas after all). This was
actually a lot of fun but I thought I damaged my truck at
first. There was this funny high pitched whining noise
every time I entered the highway but I finally realized it
was just my wife screaming in terror. No big deal.

Ok, in Dallas itself. Some new rules became apparent pretty
quick on Saturday afternoon when we went shopping. First,
you can't get there from here. Nope, just forget it. Here
is here and there is there, and NONE of the roads in
between go there or here. If you want to go THERE then you
have to start from someplace else than where you are at. In
fact, it's best if you just go everywhere by accident. You
get there quicker. Also, some of the strangest roads are
one way and the map mentions nothing about it. Making a
wrong turn onto a one way street, I realized that the folks
in Dallas are totally without fear. Faced with my big red
truck going the wrong way on a one way street, two lanes of
cars coming the other way never even slowed down (at
65mph). I quickly decided the sidewalk looked particularly
smooth and slid to a stop (in standard Dallas fashion). It
seems that a truck parked on the sidewalk facing the wrong
way on a one way street is not unusual, as the pedestrians
never even glanced at us. They just got back up and kept
going.

On the way back to the hotel we passed a western wear shop
Kim had wanted to stop at. Now, I didn't know this at the
time, but if you miss a turn in Dallas you can't go back
for the rest of your life (unless of course you get there
by accident). I figured we would go around the block. HA!
HA HA!! RIGHT! There AINT no around the block in Dallas.
Remember rule #1, 'you caint get thar from here'. We went
up a few miles and found a road that went off to the right.
We figured we would double around and end up back below the
store. Riiiigghhhtttt. Someplace near Texarcana we realized
there AINT no road going back off to the right. Maybe half
an hour later we ended up back on the service road, only to
find that damned store off our LEFT shoulder. In other
words, all together now, say it with me: "YOU CAN'T GET
THERE FROM HERE".

Kim and I drove from home to Plano. 1300+ miles each way.
It was a nice drive, very pleasant all the way. I'm not
going to count the Dallas driving as part of the trip. That
wasn't driving, that was a pinball game played with cars
and no rules. I know why people live big in Dallas. It’s
because they know life is short on the streets of Dallas.

One more thing....

It was FUN!

YE HAAA!!!!