I pay this Frontier phone bill because....... Remind me again, will you?

Yesterday I tried to call one of our land lines into the house. Came back as 'disconnected'.

WTF?!?

I called wifey cell to cell. "Hon, did we pay the phone bill?"

Nope. Shazbat.

Ok, I get home, dig out a Frontier bill, and make the call.

"Hi, my name is XXXXXX and my phone number is XXX-XXX-XXXX.
I am a complete idiot, glad we got that out of the way. I'd like to pay this
bill and the exorbitant extra charges so you'll turn my phone back on".

"You did what? You no longer take a check over the phone? How about
plasti-cash? You do? Good. What.... I have to call another number,
pay an automated system, get a code, and call you back? Somebody with
a tie obviously thought THIS one up... Ok, gimme the number...."

"Automated system: Your account number is invalid.... invalid... invalid....
so go take a jump.... beeeeep....."

Call back Frontier Beep... bippity...beep... boop.... hold hold hold hold .....
"Yes, it's me again, the idiot at XXX-XXX-XXXX. Yes, I know my account is suspended, thanks for letting me know... so helpful.... yes, I know all about the automated system.... it says my account number is invalid.... What is my account
number? Well, it's 787576445jhfytfuv655fuhvu67658hvhvjh76587 as it says on the statement. Yes, I'll repeat it a few more times.... Does that number actually mean something or is it chosen just to be impossible to get right on a phone?
YES... I have an attitude... but I'll get over it as soon as I beat my head on the wall... hold hold hold hold hold......"

"Beep bippity boooop hold hold hold...... yes I'm still here. Hard to get rid of, thats me! What do you mean my account number is no good because my number has been changed? I didn't change my number!.... OH... YOU changed my number?!? Why did Frontier change my number?!? Oh, it's the SAME number in the real world but YOUR computer has diddled it?.... Ah..... Can I just pay my bill?"

"WHAT? The only way to pay is the automated system and it won't accept the account number YOU folks changed, so I have to wait to pay over the counter
at the East Bumbleferry Agway store just to get the special super secret code so you'll turn it back on? The East Bumbleferry Agway that closed five minutes ago???"

"Lady, not to be mean, but if I could find a way to get internet without this phone account I'd drop you losers like a hot potato. How can you justify making it so HARD for a customer to give you money?"

"Oh, I forgot..... only supplier.... monopoly.... lousy service..... yes yes, it's all coming back to me now."

"What do you mean.... WHOA... back up there lady..... what do you mean why am I so upset when after all it was cut off four days ago? It's been off for four days?!?"

"My DSL has been working just great.... and I have had no dial tone for four days? I am paying HOW MUCH for this monthly service and it's been gone for four days.... and I never NOTICED!?!"

"Frontier lady type customer service person... remind me one more time....
Exactly WHY am I a customer of your company? Your service went by-by and my family never noticed...... Hmmmmmm........."

I remember the solemn feeling of utter joy when I drop kicked Combastards cable box back to them, over their fence, right after I got good sat-dish service.

Frontier communication might be NEXT. BWAHAHAHAHahahahahaha