Not up to the challenge

One of my regular daily reads, 'Skywriter', has a seriously good way with words.
She doesn't load the place with snark and complaints, instead writing small essays on life. In each there is an echo, sometimes a shout, that resonates within.

Yes, she will probably read this post... and no I'm not just being nice. I'm not that nice a person and don't go far out of my way to flatter anyone. My idea of being nice is to hand you a bandage while I laugh.

I've only been blogging for a short while.. months really. Some have been doing it for years. I think Jerry Pournelle invented the concept before AlGore ever dreamed up the internet, in the days of Arpa-Net.
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I'm putting this off.... because it's hard to write. It's slightly easier knowing this blog is read less than an Amish technology web site, but that makes it only slightly easier.

Scully at Skywriter has been working through some personal issues in a public and soul searching way. Each blog entry has it's own bit of human beauty to it.
The strength of character it must take to do this is beyond me, and I respect it.
On the other hand... it carries a challenge as well. The challenge to face one's demons and stare them down. To overcome them and move beyond them.

Sometimes... in life... there is a pain that is just too much to deal with. People react in different ways to it. Some change into different people, and deny to themselves their own history. Others drift off into space to escape, and never come back. Many of us.... and I am one.... wall it off and never deal with it at all.

About twenty years ago... we had two sons. About twenty years ago.... we suddenly had one son. An illness, a doctors mistake, young parents not realizing how serious it was....

Reading Scully's writing is inspiring.... and challenging. The challenge is to tear down the wall and deal with it.

I sat here this evening to write about what happened, what I felt, and what I locked away. I dug out a picture.... and the two decades evaporated.

That's a vault not ready to be opened. Nothing has changed. I have to get up tomorrow and deal with the day, just like I did that morning twenty years ago. The day after tomorrow I go to work and help 50 young people on a daily journey to maturity. There is no time budgeted for me to fall apart.

Damn it.... not yet.... just not ready yet..... and not up to Scully's challenge.